I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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