I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
