believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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