please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
