i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
We were destined to go to rehab together
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
