i jhust puked up my retainher.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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