drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
