Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
