I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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