i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
