I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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