ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
