Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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