i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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