a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
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