hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
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I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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