i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
im calling her cock vulture from now on
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
