Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
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Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
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Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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