He disabled his match.com account in front of me
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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