everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
