you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
