the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize