and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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