So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
