After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
