my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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