I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
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