What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
