the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
