We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
