Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
