Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
