Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
