is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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