I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Boobs are out for the taking
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
