her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
