ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
