Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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