I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
