found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
