I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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