i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
two words...techno handjob
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Randomize
