im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
