I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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