I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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