The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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