how hairy? two words: wookie tits
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I just had sex on a roof
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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