Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
