When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
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So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
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Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
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