You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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