do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
