Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
