we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
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