Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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