Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
