He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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